For William, "The Following is a Notice From the State Parks and Game Department"

Hello spring breakers! As you are traveling south for your weekend in the Big Easy, be sure to heed the following safety tips:

• Keep several spare tires in your vehicle along with tools and extra gasoline. 
• Pack a satellite phone, CB radio, and extra power for all of your backup forms of communication. 
• Please do not hassle rest stop attendants, everyone is having a rough time in this economy, particularly small business owners. 
• Detours and shortcuts of every kind are ill-advised.
• Do not approach seemingly abandoned shacks, shanties, or cabins.
• Do not get high and have sex in the swamp. Period.
• Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
• Beware of giant snakes, bats, opossums, and other such natural predators. 
• If you stumble upon a moonlit ceremony, do not antagonize the voodoo cult devotees.
• Finally, please do not feed the alligator people.

Thank you for reading this statement and as always, enjoy your vacation and stay safe!

End.