Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Things Only a Really Fat Guy Would Understand, Part 27
When you have to Google the word "exercise" to make sure you're spelling it right. You're not.
Things Only a Really Fat Guy Would Understand, Part 26
Your 3-year-old tells you that "if you exercise, your tummy wouldn't be too big."
Things Only a Really Fat Guy Would Understand, Part 25
When you thought you'd been maintaining your weight for the last 3 years (despite the fact that your waist size has been steadily going up) only to go to the doctor's office and hear what you weighed from 3 years ago.
Things Only a Really Fat Guy Would Understand, Part 24
Unbuttoning your pants at your work desk and hoping no one will notice.
End.
End.
Things Only a Really Fat Guy Would Understand, Part 23
When you are sitting at your desk and your pants are cutting off the circulation to your legs.
End.
End.
67
So here it is. My 67th post of the year. I told myself I would beat my personal record from 2012.
Here's the thing.
I think the reason that my number is so high this year is that I was writing shorter things. Poetry, flash fiction, one-liners, rambling personal anecdotes like this...
There are 63 days left for 2014, and I haven't actually been writing as much as I would like. I feel like I'm losing any edge I ever had.
So in the next 63 days I'm going to write 3 short stories that make me happy. After all, if I don't enjoy reading my writing, who will?
This will help me feel like I actually accomplished something with my craft this year, rather than just filling my blog with fliegerabwehrkanone.
Stay tuned...
Here's the thing.
I think the reason that my number is so high this year is that I was writing shorter things. Poetry, flash fiction, one-liners, rambling personal anecdotes like this...
There are 63 days left for 2014, and I haven't actually been writing as much as I would like. I feel like I'm losing any edge I ever had.
So in the next 63 days I'm going to write 3 short stories that make me happy. After all, if I don't enjoy reading my writing, who will?
This will help me feel like I actually accomplished something with my craft this year, rather than just filling my blog with fliegerabwehrkanone.
Stay tuned...
I'm Sure It's Just Because They Don't Make Jeans Like They Used To But This Is Getting Old
The denim stretches, then gives
A new tear expands down my ass
Forced to give up under the stress of my fat
The threads of my jeans are broken
My daughter looks on
A fog of shame clouds my vision
That's the third pair this year
End.
Bending Bones
My body is a pussy
I never listen when it complains
I just buy bigger pants
Pop a dozen pills
And try to get out more
My daughter says I'm fat
The scales all agree
I want there to be a reason
Not to blame myself
So I can keep eating out
I want to be in shape
I just love butter so much more
I just muscle up the zipper
Take my omeprazole
And tell myself I'm sexy
My bones are bending
I can feel the weight grow
If I lost the fat
My shriveled skin would hang
An empty bag of flab
I tell myself it's fine
It's not the way I eat
That keeps my waist expanding
And when I get sad
I stuff my face with caloriesEnd.
Peoples Choice for President
Hey Internet, who do we want for president next? There are a lot of us… we should be able to pick together, right? #PeoplesChoiceforPresident
Now on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PeoplesChoiceforPresident
Now on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PeoplesChoiceforPresident
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Iambic Pentameter
Iambic pentameter
Bliambic blamtameter
Viambic vamtameter
Marambic mumblemameter
Fliflamflic flamflameter
Gluggurgle gurgurgelter
Piambic iamtameter
Iambic pentameter
End.
Bliambic blamtameter
Viambic vamtameter
Marambic mumblemameter
Fliflamflic flamflameter
Gluggurgle gurgurgelter
Piambic iamtameter
Iambic pentameter
End.
4 Little Letters
Twice this week, I've been approached about my use of expletives on Facebook and Twitter. Why have I occasionally dropped an F-bomb here or there?
I cuss for a lot of reasons. The short answer is this:
I've spent a lot of time thinking, reading, and praying about my bad behaviors. I've reached the conclusion that at this point in my life, I'm going to focus on the truly important things, like loving people.
Maybe when I've mastered that I can work on the tiny ones like cussing and eating too many cookies.
Baby steps.
Life is too short to waste energy worrying about the stupid things when our whole world is crying out to be loved.
If you really want the long story, let me know. I can take some time in the coming weeks and pull together a tell-all blog post about it.
Always remember I love you,
Gabriel
End.
I cuss for a lot of reasons. The short answer is this:
I've spent a lot of time thinking, reading, and praying about my bad behaviors. I've reached the conclusion that at this point in my life, I'm going to focus on the truly important things, like loving people.
Maybe when I've mastered that I can work on the tiny ones like cussing and eating too many cookies.
Baby steps.
Life is too short to waste energy worrying about the stupid things when our whole world is crying out to be loved.
If you really want the long story, let me know. I can take some time in the coming weeks and pull together a tell-all blog post about it.
Always remember I love you,
Gabriel
End.
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